Red

Acceptance is red.

After a night of restless sleep, the mind finds it so easy to wander at 3 in the morning, repeating the fears and excuses of why I am still sleeping alone.

Red of a beautiful sunset, red a colour which looks good on me. Red, red, red of passionate embraces or anger surging forth from the depths of my core. It is the deepest rage pushing itself to the surface, raw and uncontrollable, liken to a volcano erupts and spilling its contents on the innocent surface. I hope in earnestly that this rage is long gone, as I take time to remember its energy it still frightens me. Embittered by my betrayal, his lust and lies, it drew to the surface the need to destroy. Yes I can still tap into the feelings but choose to direct the energy into a more creative form, a form that encourages life and a feeling of satisfaction instead of destruction and the eternal addiction of having someone at all costs. Getting attention, to be seen, to be acknowledged, to be desired, yet never a commitment to love. All of these feelings gave me was an instant gratification, a quick high and afterwards a crumbling, a screaming and a melt down feeling of still being unwanted. My continual cry was "why wasn't I good enough".

I now ask Good Enough for Whom????